No, I don't mean what you shout out on the golf course when you're about to bean someone in the head with a golfball. My toddler turned 4 this week. 4!! Un-freaking-believable. That means I'll be 44 in another week or two - which is also unbelievable because I still feel about 22 (and many of my smart-ass friends and relatives would say I still act 22).
She was given many dinosaurs, a skateboard (!) by her older sister who will be accompanying me to the ER when the need arises, Barbie stuff, Dora stuff, horse stuff, puppy stuff, clothes, the usual. She was thrilled with all of it.
My favorite present was the EZ Bake Oven I bought her. I had one when I was little. I don't believe my other two daughters had one, so this brought back many memories. Like the time me and my dad made pretzels. He tasted one and immediately pronounced, "Well. That tasted like shit." I'm still not crazy about pretzels to this day....
Anyway, last night Riley wanted to make chocolate chip cookies in her new EZ Bake Oven. Easy enough, eh? Oh. No. Recipe was simple enough. Put the tiny bag of mix in a bowl and add 3/4 teaspoon water. What does her mother do? I put in 3 teaspoons of water (I was VERY tired) and then wondered why this shit was so watery.... So instead of baking cookies for about 8 minutes, she had a chocolate chip cake that took about 20 minutes to bake. AND, as if that wasn't bad enough, I tried to get the damn thing out of the oven with the spatula they provide (which, by the way, looks exactly like a pooper-scooper for a cat litter box - see picture) and the thing went flying across the room and hit the wall - landing beautifully on the counter upside down. My mother was laughing so hard, I swear her false teeth were on the verge of falling out of her mouth.
You see my sister and her husband are like gourmet cooks. They own every known kitchen gadget known to mankind, make their own flour, pasta, cook wonderful sounding things, etc., and here her financial analyst sister can't tell 3/4 of a teaspoon from 3 teaspoons and then can't even operate a freaking EZ Bake oven. Good night, Irene!
Good news: I'm still my 4 year old's hero. She ate her chocolate chip "cake" and said it was yummy! We had yet another party for her at the park today, with more junk food and sugar. I feel like a walking zit.
Fatima-the-four-year-old's-hero!!!
2 comments:
If Mom even looks at the EZ Bake, say the following slowly so as not to alarm her...
"Step away from the oven, Dorothy"
Maybe wave a box of Jello or crinkle a bag of Fritos to distract her...
I'm afraid of both Jell-O and of Fritos. I'm afraid one day I'll come home to find she's made her now infamous Frito Pie with Jell-O, Carrot, Beet and Alfafa Sprout Mold for dessert. When that day comes, she will be sent outside to sleep in the dog-house.
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