What is it With Old Men????

This past Saturday, our family went to Oktoberfest in Newark, Delaware. (I know, it's still September, but what the hell?) - Anyway, I got hit on by FOUR old guys. I'm 44, so to me, anything OLD is older than about 60-ish. And not only that, but they did this right in front of my 69 year old mother - who they SHOULD have been hitting on, not me. Oh, and did I mention I wear a wedding ring? Damn old perverts.

Here's some news to you old farts - we don't want to see your wrinkled up balls, your gross nose-hair that's 8 inches long, your one yellow tooth, your hearing aids, or help you with your walkers and your orthopedic shoes - GET IT?

Feeling-younger-and-younger-Fatima!!!

Apparently, even Jesus Had Bad Days!

From Natalie Dee's other comic strip: http://www.marriedtothesea.com/

Heretic Fatima

My kinda daycare! Ha

Mean Fatima

Mom's advice to me and my sister

No wonder we have issues!

Daddy Long-Legs

I heard a rumor many years ago, that daddy long legs, ususaly thought to be harmless are actually one of the deadliest/toxic forms of spiders - as in you'll die a horrible painful death if you were to ever get bitten by one. Here's the glitch. There mouths are so minuscule, they can't open them up wide enough to bite anyone. What an odd "gift" to give to this little, otherwise harmless creature.

However, my new stance is this: genetic anomalies happen all the time. What if his mother and father had large mouths, and he/she got an extremely wide or big enough mouth? Then what? So now I kill them all the time. No remorse.

Not a very interesting blog, but hey - kids are born with their intestines out of their bodies, snakes and lizards are sometimes born with two heads. Why can't a daddy long-legs have an extraordinarily mouth? I don't know about you - but I'm not taking any chances!

Arachnophobia Fatima!!!

I did it AGAIN!

Didn't I just say last month that I will NEVER, under ANY circumstance, EVER chaperone another pre-school field trip? So, what did I do? I said yes. And for those of you who know me, you know I'm no stranger to the word, NO! No, I don't want to eat at that restaurant. No, I don't want to have sex right now. No, you cannot stay out past midnight. No, you cannot have more money for clothes. No, I don't want to help you move and then paint your fucking house.

But see - when it comes to Riley - well, all bets are off. She looks at me with those big brown baby eyes, and I actually become loving and nice.

At least when we went to the amusement park, the kids could yell and scream to their hearts' content. Guess where we're all going on December 6th? Just take a wild guess. The freaking Joseph Meyerhoff Symphony Hall to see The Nutcracker. What the hell kind of toddler food do they serve there? Goldfish crackers with caviar? Cucumber and peanut butter finger sandwiches? And I'm sure they're going to expect these little rug rats to be quiet. Right.....

Well, I guess you all know what I'll be writing about on December 7th, the day after. That is, if I'm not in jail. My kid will probably jump up on stage and try to dance along with them like they're The Wiggles or something. Maybe the dancers will get some horrible strain of strep throat and they'll have to cancel the show. One can only hope......

Stupid, stupid, stupid Fatima

Drugs Rock!

Cartoonist, Natalie Dee, must be my long lost twin. Ok, my long lost much younger sister. Anyway, when I went to my shrink several months ago, he put me on Lexapro for depression. I've heard of Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft. But I got Lexapro. Today, I was looking through Natalie's archives (which can be found at www.nataliedee.com) and found this. Amusing.......and true! I just don't give much of a fuck! Ha!