Oh, My, My, My, My.....

I first heard this on the news on my way in to work yesterday and shook my head, but then the events of the day erased this memory (although I don't know how it could). Apparently, Amy Fisher (the Long Island Lolita) and Joey Buttofucco - and perhaps even Amy's new husband, Joey's ex-wife and Joey-the-Tool's new wife are all going to be on a reality show together. Now this can't be fully substantiated. I mean, I've read it on several Internet sites and heard it on the radio - but that's it folks. It's not like I've seen their contracts or anything.

When and where and how are we going to realize we've gone just a tad too far? We already have ER scenes on the Discovery channel which get pretty gruesome. I watch them, but I kinda wish they weren't on at dinner time. There's Skylab where the lesbian owner of the gym, makes out with every female within 20 feet of her (and this is no anti-gay statement, but honey, keep it in your pants for at least 30 minutes). There are at least 72 plastic surgery shows on at any given time. The Animal Planet shows grisly scenes of pet operations. It's like we're now into our "Faces of Death" reality culture. What next? We capture Bin Laden and let him have a reality show on how to fold white robes & turbans, and handle 29 wives and 57 children? Charles Manson could host one too; if we could only understand his incoherent ramblings... Reality got boring, as it usually does, so now we must interject death, blood, and gruesome-ness in all its forms, etc., to keep us entertained.

But I digress. Back to Amy and Joey, who I thought were L-O-N-G forgotten. I cannot even begin to imagine what a dinner or a conversation might revolve (oops, no pun intended) around. Naturally, amongst couples having a few glasses of wine, things like money, sex, local crimes, etc., are discussed. Okay, well they were the leading force of ALL OF THAT back in the late 80s, early 90s. I can't even remember the exact time frame now of when all of this went down. All I know is - Dear Lord - can you think of anything at all more awkward than sitting across from some old dude you used to screw for money and his wife who you SHOT IN THE FACE? Oy vey Jose! And what are they going to do with all the kids during this show? I wouldn't particularly be predisposed to being courteous to someone who shot my mother in the face and almost killed her And what about Amy's new husband? I'll betcha 10-to-1 he doesn't allow any handguns in the house.

But, here it comes............the really sad part. I will watch every bleeping second of it. Not because I'm hooked to reality TV. I can proudly declare I have never watched not even one episode of Survivor or American Idol. Oh, no. I go for the low and the dirty: Dog the Bounty Hunter, Flav-O-Flav, The Osbournes (c,mon - everyone loved Ozzy even if we couldn't understand him), and now Gene Simmons' Family Jewels. So, it is with great sadness that I confess that if this show airs, I will be sitting in front of the TV with 94% fat-free popcorn taking it all in.

Fatima-the-Pathetic