Sunday Blahs

My mother used to always say that it would be much easier to lose weight if we just didn't have to eat three times a day. To which I would either outwardly or inwardly roll my eyes depending on my mood du jour. I roll my eyes because I still hear her make this comment to this day, and because it's just too simplistic.

I'm beginning to rethink my eye-rolling. In attempting to eat only when I'm hungry, eat healthy foods, make good choices and not obsess over food, it becomes a little difficult when faced with the task of eating, cooking, shopping for food, chopping, dicing, etc., ALL. THE. DAMN. TIME. To put it another way: how would one give up smoking cigarettes, if one was constantly faced with the task of messing with filters, ashtrays, picking out tobacco, papers, assembling cigarettes - only to then not get to smoke them?!?!? I give out props right now to recovering alcoholics employed as bartenders. WTF?? Get out now! Go fry up some food at Denny's or sell trendy shirts at the Gap, but for the love of God - get away from the very thing that you're obsessed with.

It's dull and gray outside, and I just feel dull and gray inside. And furthermore, I'm just a little pissed off that perhaps my mother may have been on to something all along.......

Like Fatima, Like Mother

Bad Way to Start the New Year!!!

I didn't win the damn lottery!!! Not that I really expected to win anything, but still. I was so hoping to check my numbers this morning and at least win one of the measly $500 prizes. But, no. I guess I'll always have to earn my money the hard way - work. Sucks.

Then, I talked to my oldest daughter who lives in Italy - and now I'm even more depressed. I'm happy for her and my son-in-law, but sad for us cuz we miss them.

On the flip side, I'm taking our little one to see Charlotte's Web today, so that will involve fun and popcorn and spilled soda and "Mommy! I have to pee!" episodes, so I'm sure that will prove entertaining as always.

I have been trying exceptionally hard NOT to obsess or even think about food, or my choices for right now - that can come later. I've got to get my mind off food (good food vs. bad food) as if food holds some sort of evil or good character to it. At any rate, once I stop obsessing over it and find other "interests," then I feel I can begin to really evaluate and make some good choices for my health's sake, not my weight's sake.

Okay, dudes, I'm out for right now. Gotta go make breakfast, do dishes, etc.; all that boring crap that comes with waking up in the morning!

Peace!

Fatima-still-poor!!!

I WILL be normal - even if it kills me.....

I think I'm trying Ms. Cho's concept today (see yesterday's post). And I may even try it tomorrow and the day after that - just to see how it goes in my head. I'm interested to see just what I'll do, what I'll eat.

I want so badly not to care; not to obsess over my choices or lack thereof. I want to just go to the fridge and pick up something to eat like normal people do; whether it's an apple, a chunk of cheese, or a piece of last night's pizza.

I don't want to live in front of the fridge anymore - or the pantry - or stare at the cookie aisle at Safeway like it's a shrine to some Eastern Goddess. I don't want to try this to lose weight (in MC's blog, in fact, she said she initially gained weight). I want to do this so I can begin to mentally and emotionally let go of it all. Step away from the brownie, Fatima, step away. Or - what the hell? Step right in and have two brownies if that's what you want to do. My point is that while I want to live with food thoughtfully - I no long want to obsess over it. It's never done anything worthy of being obsessed over.

The days of obsession are going to be over - not immediately - but they are on their way out. My life has no room for them any longer.

Peace. Fatima

Margaret Cho is my Hero

Her blog is hilarious, well okay not all the belly dancing shit - I can live without that. But it is probably really good exercise.

You should all read: http://www.margaretcho.com/blog/fuckitdiet.htm

This may be one of the funniest, truest and deepest posts I've read in ages. Many years ago I had a friend tell me that her therapist told her that when she found herself obsessing over something/someone, just run with it. Obsess over it/him/her until you simply can't anymore. You end up sick of them; you are tired of thinking about them, tired of stalking them, tired of planning things with/for them - in fact you are just truly ill when you think about them. I would imagine that the obsession itself is simply exhausting - not to mention that the object of our obsessions is never worth it in the first place.

This is what the "Fuck It" Diet is all about. I'm willing to give it a try.

Peace! And thanks Margaret!

Fatima