Toad, Tweet & Tiny

Okay, so this is not what what blog is supposed to be about, but I was informed by my middle child, "Tweet," that not nearly enough is ever mentioned about my kids on my blog. To which I told her "then start your own damn blog."

But being the good mother that I can sometimes be, here goes nothing:

Toad (24 years old)
Sweet, sensitive, and old soul in a young person's body, loves all things natural and holistic, aromatherapy, massage, stone therapy, sometime toker of a little ganja, her 3 year old sister's BEST FRIEND, the child of my youth (19), the child I grew up with in addition to her growing up with me, the one who laughs at the same things I do, likes mostly the same movies I like, she too is a Dave Matthews Band fan, and a Fleetwood Mac fan (like I said, she really has an old soul and should have been born in the 60's); abhors violence of any kind or type - but is capable of it, I do believe, if anyone ever mistreated her baby sister, respectful of us (most of the time); loves her family and her extended family; has good values; seems to have an uncanny way of understanding people and understanding that they're not going to change; they simply must be accepted the way they are not. Generally isn't one to hold grudges unless it's against her husband (!) but hey, that's marriage. Loves to watch "The Princess Bride," and "Fried Green Tomatoes" with me over and over again; she's the world's worst procrastinator; takes forever and day to get ready; thank got she eloped or we'd still be waiting for her to get her lips perfect to walk down the aisle(she's the only person I know with a 4-step lip process.....(??); has a love of Pier One like I do; can sing rap and hip-hop songs that I don't know, but that helps bond her with her 18 year old sister; they speak some other sort of street/urban language I know nothing about and then laugh at me; she won't let me wear certain things, but if I wear them anyway, just glibly smiles, slightly shakes her head and walks away. I love her like no other; she was my first. the first one to love, to worry about, to stand over her crib and cry at just looking at her, the first one I prayed to Got not to ever take because I would give my life if He would just spare hers. Oh, and she still likes to cuddle with me.

Tweet (18 years old)
The baby I had at a "normal" age of 24. The one who, when I was pregnant, once thought I couldn't love more than her sister because I didn't think I possessed that much love in me to love more than one child......I was dead wrong. I loved her with a scary passion. Always in fear that something bad would happen to her, so I'm sure I smothered her in all the wrong ways - at least in my mind. Outwardly, I tried to let her live a normal life - friends, sleepovers, skating parties, boyfriends, football games, etc. always praying she'd just make it home alive. I couldn't imagine that I had been blessed with TWO healthy, beautiful baby girls - and was sure something was going to come pull the rug out from under my feet. It was at this point in life that I was sure God hated me for some reason or another, so again I begged him not to take her, but me instead. I was always in some weird fear that some horrible monster would take her and do unspeakable things to her and I would simply die immediately from grief. Thank God I outgrew that lovely stage!! She is now beautiful, generous, everything I wanted to be in High School/college but never really was (popular, well dressed, lots of friends, etc) she's hard-working, hilariously funny - so funny that there are times I can't stop laughing at something she's said, she has a mean side which annoys me but she gets it from me so I can't complain too much; has very eclectic taste in music; she can go from Tupac and Busta Rhymes to Alan Jackson and Kenny Chesney, and then over to Justin Timberlake and Usher all in the same 15 minutes. She deeply loves her friends, Nick, her family - but not our dog Zoe - she never has been, nor will she ever be a pet person, but that's ok. She was the most beautiful, sweet little girl and people made huge fusses over her all the time. I think they still do, but I think she's just grown accustomed to it and it doesn't phase her anymore which is a shame. She will be successful at something, because she LOVES her money!

Tiny (3 years old)
My midlife baby that I prayed for for at least 15 years. She was truly a miracle; born when I was just 11 days shy of my 40th birthday. She was born breach almost in the parking lot of the hospital (they finally wheeled me in at the last damn minute with NO painkillers); she's a bless and a joy and a miracle. she smiles at me every morning and is always so happy to see me at any time that it touches my heart and if I gave into it every time would bawl my eyes out. I again pray for her happiness, health, safety - that no monster will ever get within 1000 yards of her. She is brilliant beyond her years and has recently taken to correcting me on types of dinosaurs!!! I'll be tired and go, "Oh, that's a Stegosaurus," and she'll look at me disgustedly and say, "No mommy, it's a brontosaurus." Hell, I think it's time she start mothering me if that's gonna be the case. Not to mention she has the vocabulary of a 12 year old!!! She's one of the main reasons I started Fatima to start with - gotta get healthy so I can see Tiny grown up.

Okay - girls - does this suffice? You "decorated my life," you are my friends, and I love you with a love you know nothing about right now - but I hope you will one day!

Mom (Fatima)

Get Dressed!

I heard something today:

"Clothe yourself with compassion."

I think we all need to do this a little more this year. And, remember, be compassionate to yourself first, and it will naturally flow out to others as an end by-product. Hug more.

And now, on this last day of 2006, I think I hear a Dirty Martini calling my name.....

Hugs and peace! Fatima

What I Love

My crazy right-wing husband, sleeping in late, waking up and thinking it's a workday and then realizing it's Saturday, the way Riley wakes up next to me and immediately smiles when she sees me, cuddling with all three of my girls - or any one of them at any given time, the smell of coffee more so than the taste of coffee, Chai tea, any kind of milk (not dark!) chocolate, loud family get-togethers, laughing so hard I can't breathe and it leaves my face and my stomach hurting, crazy funny emails between me and my sister, or between me and my friend, Paula; snowmen decorations, getting my nails done, purse and/or shoe shopping, jewelry, singing a Christmas song in church on Christmas eve and then suddenly finding myself tearing up because of the tradition of Christianity that has been part of my life forever, the scene in Steel Magnolias when Sally Fields gives her gut-wrenching speech at the cemetery after the death of her daughter, freshly fallen snow; funny, mean things that Alex says, when Stephanie has her "blond" moments and we all make fun of her over and over again, being loved even tho I'm frequently a bitch to everyone in my life at some point or another, having multiple TVs in our home now so that I no longer have to watch "Strongman Competition" shows with my husband with glassy eyes as he gives me all their life stories and statistics (Oy!), soft cotton pajama pants, CSI (it rocks dude!), but only the original with Grissom, Dave Matthews Band, REM, my dog Zoe (cuz she's a little simple), getting an unexpected package, going to bed early, getting out of a jacuzzi when it's really cold outside, anxiously awaiting the next Dean Koontz or Stephen King novel; cartoons, books by Augusten Burroughs, the compassion I have toward gay people and the struggles they must endure in this life and the comedy they use to overcome; Spongebob Squarepants and Patrick Star, making fun of Polka music, well, pretty much making fun of anything has always been a favorite past-time, cooking something fun, fond memories of my mom and dad when we found something funny, buying a new book or CD, a piece of beautiful classical music that brings tears to my eyes, my crazy extended family, my immediate family, my friends, old and new, you.