Choose Your Words Wisely...

Another epiphany. Of Biblical proportions. I realized today that I've been disappointed in myself for probably most of my life. Not angry, although that too at times, but mainly disappointed.

Definitions. One definition of "disappointment" is: a person or thing that disappoints. As in parents saying, "Tommy, I'm very disappointed in you." My translation: I'm not just disappointed in you for this one act, but I'm always disappointed in you.

Whereas, definitions of anger tend to be more time-limited, as in "I'm pissed off at you right now because of something you said or did, but you and I both know I'll get over it."

I grew up hearing "We're very disappointed in you for........" Like I've stated in the past, all this adult crap we have to wade through isn't about blaming others. But it is about a way of thinking we grow up with that can become our only way of thinking if we don't stop and recognize it and then do something to change it.

I'm weary of being disappointed in me, my choices, my rewards or consequences, good vs. evil, chocolate cake vs. tofu, blonde vs. brown, size 8 vs. size 14, etc. It would be nice to begin to live a life with a great deal more of compassion, forgiveness and love toward self. I tend to give others a hell of a lot more breaks than I do myself.

Perhaps - - I will "resolve" in 2007 to be good to Fatima and love her, especially the scared, little brown-eyed girl still in her - who was, by the way, WAY cool and WAY precious.

Peace out.

The Amazing Web

No, not the World Wide Web, but one made by a wondrous spider, Charlotte. I took our toddler to see "Charlotte's Web" today. I always love things that remind me of good things that happened in my childhood. One of the good things about being an only child until you're 10 years old is that you read.............constantly, over and over again, sometimes even reading the same book(s) cover to cover until they're worn thin.

Obviously a favorite for a young girl was "Charlotte's Web." I always liked books where either animals or other inanimate objects had their own little secret lives and talked. I had a very vivid imagination, and I often conversed with these "others," but only in my head, thank God, or I'd have been institutionalized long ago.

In the movie, Fern's mother goes to see the pediatrician to voice her concerns over Fern's infatuation with Wilbur and Charlotte after the first "miraculous" web incident. The doc, played by one of the Bridges brothers (??), told her "Well, aren't all webs miraculous in their nature anyway?" He reminded her that even tho she could knit it was only because she'd been taught - whereas the spider just spins out of instinct, and that any and all webs are miracles.

But sometimes, only children see the true miracles of life and that's why they live in wonderment and awe. The doc also told Fern's mother, "I know what Fern has. It's called a childhood phase, and unfortunately, she'll grow out of it."

It's true and unfortunate - we all do outgrow our amazement at the tiny things in life that make life worth living.

By the way, our toddler loved the movie (and kept asking me very loudly at the end why I was crying!) - and I hope one day that she'll also read the book. It's somewhat doubtful in this day and age of hi-tech that she will. Highly doubtful. But I hope she will. And if she does, I hope she loves it as much as I did.