Another epiphany. Of Biblical proportions. I realized today that I've been disappointed in myself for probably most of my life. Not angry, although that too at times, but mainly disappointed.
Definitions. One definition of "disappointment" is: a person or thing that disappoints. As in parents saying, "Tommy, I'm very disappointed in you." My translation: I'm not just disappointed in you for this one act, but I'm always disappointed in you.
Whereas, definitions of anger tend to be more time-limited, as in "I'm pissed off at you right now because of something you said or did, but you and I both know I'll get over it."
I grew up hearing "We're very disappointed in you for........" Like I've stated in the past, all this adult crap we have to wade through isn't about blaming others. But it is about a way of thinking we grow up with that can become our only way of thinking if we don't stop and recognize it and then do something to change it.
I'm weary of being disappointed in me, my choices, my rewards or consequences, good vs. evil, chocolate cake vs. tofu, blonde vs. brown, size 8 vs. size 14, etc. It would be nice to begin to live a life with a great deal more of compassion, forgiveness and love toward self. I tend to give others a hell of a lot more breaks than I do myself.
Perhaps - - I will "resolve" in 2007 to be good to Fatima and love her, especially the scared, little brown-eyed girl still in her - who was, by the way, WAY cool and WAY precious.
Peace out.
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