I Have a Wife!

Yes, the day finally came. I have a wife. Actually, my cute little pet name for him is "Housebitch." But I don't really think he's very fond of it for some reason because he frowns at me every time I say it....

Truthfully: my husband retired from the military after about 24 years, give or take a year here or there. I'm very proud of him and his service; glad that all the moving's over; glad to have him home. Sort of.

Now, I consider myself a feminist - but let me tell you something ladies, those men back in the 50s & 60s were on to something. Do you know how wonderful it is to come home to a home-cooked meal? Or, how about asking him to pick up groceries (like I did this morning), and HE DID IT! My bed is made every night; laundry is kept up with; dishes are loaded in the dishwasher as opposed to sitting in the sink. My dry-cleaning is dropped off AND picked up. All the library books are returned on time, and he made a deposit for me at the bank yesterday.

But having a wife can be a little annoying. Like, he calls me to tell me recent TV news. He calls me to ask where stuff is (doesn't he live in the same house I do?) He calls to tell me about a re-run of Extreme Makeover that brought tears to his eyes. (!!!) He calls and tells me about funny skits from MadTV. He calls to see when I'm coming home. Good grief. The other day I got a call from my teenager telling me that he went with her to get her nails done. He must have been REALLY bored that day!

I'm enjoying all this now, but I fear the day's coming when I come home to find him sleeping with the pool boy - and then everything will come to a screeching halt and we'll find ourselves on Jerry Springer. Seriously, I'm sure I'll cry big crocodile tears when he finds career #2. But meanwhile, I'm enjoying living in the lap of luxury.

Fatima Spoiled