Yep; every office, neighborhood, place of worship, club, family, etc., has them. Hate to say it guys (this is just my perspective cuz I'm a girl) - but they're usually men....usually. These DBs are the ones who, for the life of them, cannot look above your boobs, they won't open the door for you (and I don't care that I am a feminist - it's just good manners); they take the last cup of coffee and then apparently go brain-dead because they can't seem to make the next pot for others; they always use over-used corporate terms like "synergy," "thinking outside the box," and "brainstorming;" they're always oh, so busy as though the rest of the world doesn't also work and have interests that take up our time as well; they interrupt conversations; they never donate to anything in the office; they leave before the bill comes at restaurants - OR - they'll throw down a $10 or a $20 and then leave when their portion of the bill was MUCH higher, which means not only did someone else have to cover their lunch/drinks for them, we get to pick up the DB's portion of the tip as well.
I've been married my entire adult life, but I've heard some rather DB stories from my single friends who have been the unfortunate recipients of some DB's actions on dates - running out of gas; no handle on the inside of the car to get out (!); forgetting wallet; expecting sex 15 minutes into the date; talking non-stop about the ex, forgetting to mention his wife - you know, little things like that.
I'm pretty lucky I suppose; right now I have only one DB in my office; one in my neighborhood and two at my church - that's not so bad. This all started today when one DB (from a different office; not mine) looked at a picture of my 19 year old daughter and asked about her....and yes, he's more than old enough to be her father. But anyway, I told him she's majoring in Business/Economics. He guffawed (don't see that word much, do ya?) and said, "Nah; she should get into modeling." Riggghhhhttttt..........so she can just look pretty for men, weigh 78 pounds and fret because she doesn't weigh 75 (but she can always take laxatives to get rid of those last 3 pounds), wear someone else's clothes who get all the fame, glory and money, and then be a total burnout when she's somewhere between 25 - 29 because that's when all the new 14 -17 year olds take over as supermodels.
And then - as if that wasn't bad ENOUGH, he asked me if she'd ever won any beauty pageants. Beauty pageants!!!! Oh, sweet mother of Buddha. He said this to a known feminist!! I looked at him like he had 8 heads and said "I don't even allow that crazy antiquated shit on the TV in my house, are you kidding me? Rating women on their looks and their ability to twirl a baton, or tap dance?" And that's pretty much when he looked at me like I had 8 heads. Hopefully, he'll never come near my desk again. Stupid Douchbag!
I'm sure there's lots of other great DB stories out there - please share (even if they're about women, that's cool too)
Fatima - Hater of all things 'Pageant'
2 comments:
F-ing douchebag. That's my lil' sis... Here's another good topic I know you'll enjoy writing about: assclowns. This guy happens to fall into both catagories.
Assclowns. I love that term and use it as often as I can. I think Douchebags, Assclowns and Tools are all pretty much the same. Say those words to any woman and she'll immediately conjure up someone she knows or has known in her past. Beauty pageants... I thought the top of my head was going to explode. Mum
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