My Old, True Friend - Heffa Cow

Last night, I saw my girlfriend, Paula, whom I haven't seen in about 6 months. Why? Who knows. I guess because we're like most women these days. We work full time; come home tired; have husbands, kids, hobbies, other demands. We email each other several times a day so it's not as if we've really missed anything major in one another's lives. But somehow it's just not the same as seeing each other every day.

We used to work together, but neither of us liked where we worked. She was the first to leave. And without her, there was no compelling reason for me to stay, so I left about 9 or 10 months later.

Seeing her last night (her sister had one of those "dreaded home sales" parties) brought back all the reasons I love her dearly. She's perhaps one of the smartest people I know and she has a wonderful, wicked sense of humor. Side note: ever notice that the smarter the person, the better sense of humor? However, it can go the other way too. Sometimes people are genius-smart, but if they're unhappy, their senses of humor usually involve building themselves up by putting others down in a snide & cynical way and calling it humor.

But not cow. That's my little pet name for her. It's either "Cow" or "Heffa." She responds to either one. I love her unconditionally, and vice versa. She can tell me to shut the fuck up, or tell me she loves me within the same two minute time frame. We engage in practical jokes, make fun of others (see previous paragraph!), exchange knowing glances at odd things people say or do, shop, eat, talk about our strange families, cry in front of each other, call each other to vent about stupid bosses, co-workers, etc.

I don't know what I would do if something ever happened to my "Cow." My life would be very boring and I would be dreadfully sad. I would demand to raise her kids so that I could tell them every day how special and dorky and loving their mom was. I would tell them all the funny things we shared, and when they got older, I would tell them all the dirty jokes we traded over the years. I would tell them how at her going away party I gave her a t-shirt as a gag gift that said, "I Love Lesbians," only to get it back two years later for my birthday. She'll probably receive it again around Christmas 2008. She once bought me a tube top; and I once gave her two rubber penis erasers for her pencils at work.

She's one of those rare jewels that everyone should have in their life at least once. She would come get you if you were too drunk to drive and not lecture you. She would loan you money, watch your kids, and bake you a birthday cake - and it wouldn't be a nasty angel food cake either! Inside joke.

And because she is one of the most special people in my life, I'm attaching a picture of her so that she can be special in your life too. It's a picture of her best side.

I love you Heffa Cow. May your life be filled with joy, laughter and plenty of nerdy "Tammie" shirts with fall leaves or candy canes all over them.

Fatima Loves Cow!