Chocolate Hell

So, last week I had this crazy idea it would be fun times to chaperone my 4 year old's preschool class to Hershey Amusement Park. Turns out a better day would have been had if I had decided to have major surgery with no anesthesia; perhaps have my spleen or one of my feet removed.

We got there and it was about 93 degrees, but with the humidity I think the weatherman said "it feels like 4000 degrees." He was right.

Now, for those of you who know me, you know I love kids. My own. And only my own. Passionately and fiercely. I love my nieces and nephews (Will, Alison, Ben & Caroline!), and if my sister ever gets off her drunk ass and decides to have any - I'll love them as well. And I love Cow's kids (Cali and Jacob). But that's it. Absolutely it; no more. I don't do playgroups, I don't babysit. I can barely stand my own children half the time, let alone yours. I don't remember when my own took their first steps or cut their first tooth, so for God's sake, quit telling me about when yours did.

So here I am in the blistering heat with 10,000 screaming 4 year olds who cannot wait in lines, can't decide which ride to ride, want to ride the same ride over and over again, and as if all that weren't bad enough - did I mention we were at HERSHEY PARK!?!? They were all on a serious chocolate high, which for those of you who aren't parents, is like crack cocaine to a toddler.

Hershey Park just opened a water park area in the last year or two. Oh, goodie. Now I have to make sure none of these sugared up brats drown. Oy. Just as we were all getting acclimated to the water and I'd saved about 7 kids from near 911-calls, it pours rain like in Noah's day and we all have to leave the park. The kids are screaming and unhappy because we have to leave. Inwardly I'm thrilled. I grew up in Southern California and have done my time at amusement parks.

We all pile back on the huge yellow school bus (!) and drive 2 hours home. Wet. In an air-conditioned bus. With chocolate smeared crack addict 4 year olds. Walked right in my front door, took a Xanax, a hot bath and went to bed early. Next time I have to chaperone a trip, I will pray fervently to God the night before that I'm struck with the "Explosive Diarrhea Plague."

Fatima